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And three or more make a successful one. But did they get away with it, whatever it was?

And what do you call this?
 

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[FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot] Windows and MAC vs Ford

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on:-


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At a recent computer expo.


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(COMDEX),Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,


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"If Ford had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."


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In response to Bill's comments,Ford issued a press release stating:


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If Ford had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):


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For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash.........twice a day.


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2.. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.


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3... Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.


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4... Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.


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5..... Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.


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6...... The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.


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7...... The airbag system would ask,"Are you sure?" before deploying.


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8........ Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.


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9......... Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.


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10.......... You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.


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PS - I'd like to add that when all else fails, you could call "customer service" in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself!




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In that same vein FF, may I suggest clicking on this link:

http://janice142.com/Videos/Control-Alt-Delete.wmv

When I just checked it downloads versus plays. I don't understand how to fix it. The link is a panel discussion and includes a younger Bill Gates along with the fellow who inserted the code for Ctrl-Alt-Del

I thought it was funny.
 
The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver. He placed it on top of the instrument panel, and then asked the navigator, "Do you know what I use this for?"

The navigator replied timidly, "No, what's it for?"

The pilot responded, "I use this on navigators who get me lost!"


The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it on his chart table.

The pilot asked, "What's that for?"

"To be honest sir," the navigator replied, "I'll know we're lost before
you will.
 
A pompous minister was seated next to a Crew Chief on a Flight to Texas. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.

The Crew Chief asked for a whiskey, which was brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink.

He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by brazen whores than let liquor touch my lips!"

The Crew Chief then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too. I didn't know we had a choice."
 
Janice, I wish we had a "like" button.:thumb:
 

I think all sports fans will get a kick out of this letter written to the Chicago Tribune.... Enjoy !

No matter which side you are on in the matter of renaming the Washing Redskins, this is funny. This guy is hilarious…


Here is an e-mail sent to Clarence Page of the Chicago Tribune after an article he published concerning a name change for the Washington Redskins.


Dear Mr. Page: I agree with our Native American population. I am highly insulted by the racially charged name of the Washington Redskins. One might argue that to name a professional football team after Native Americans would exalt them as fine warriors, but nay, nay. We must be careful not to offend, and in the spirit of political correctness and courtesy, we must move forward.

Let's ditch the Kansas City Chiefs, the Atlanta Braves and the Cleveland Indians. If your shorts are in a wad because of the reference the name Redskins makes to skin color, then we need to get rid of the Cleveland Browns.

The Carolina Panthers obviously were named to keep the memory of militant Blacks from the 60's alive. Gone. It's offensive to us white folk.

The New York Yankees offend the Southern population. Do you see a team named for the Confederacy? No! There is no room for any reference to that tragic war that cost this country so many young men's lives.



I am also offended by the blatant references to the Catholic religion among our sports team names. Totally inappropriate to have the New Orleans Saints, the Los Angeles Angels or the San Diego Padres.

Then there are the team names that glorify criminals who raped and pillaged. We are talkingabout the horrible Oakland Raiders, the Minnesota Vikings, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Pittsburgh Pirates!


Now, let us address those teams that clearly send the wrong message to our children. The San Diego Chargers promote irresponsible fighting or even spending habits. Wrong message to our children.

The New York Giants and the San Francisco Giants promote obesity, a growing childhood epidemic. Wrong message to our children.

The Cincinnati Reds promote downers/barbiturates. Wrong message to our children.

The Milwaukee Brewers. Well that goes without saying. Wrong message to our children.

So, there you go. We need to support any legislation that comes out to rectify this travesty, because the government will likely become involved with this issue, as they should. Just the kind of thing the do-nothing Congress loves..

As a die hard Oregon State fan, my wife and I, with all of this in mind, suggest it might also make some sense to change the name of the Oregon State women's athletic teams to something other than "the Beavers (especially when they play Southern California . Do we really want the Trojans sticking it to the Beavers???)

I always love your articles and I generally agree with them. As for the Redskins name I would suggest they change the name to the “Foreskins” to better represent their community, paying tribute to the dick heads in Congress.
 
FF said:
I think all sports fans will get a kick out of this letter written to the Chicago Tribune.... Enjoy !

No matter which side you are on in the matter of renaming the Washing Redskins, this is funny. This guy is hilarious…


Here is an e-mail sent to Clarence Page of the Chicago Tribune after an article he published concerning a name change for the Washington Redskins.
Click to expand...
FF...
This is great and unfortunately very timely. I see the Fed Courts have ruled the Redskins' TM is cancelled... the legal battles will continue I'm sure.
Don
'08 MS 34 HT
"Bacchus"
 
Husband went to the sheriff's department to report that his wife was missing…


Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home...

Sergeant: What is her height?

Husband: Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant: Weight?

Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant: Color of eyes?

Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.

Sergeant: Color of hair?

Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can't remember.

Sergeant: What was she wearing?

Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.

Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?

Husband: She went in my truck.

Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?

Husband: A 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with Eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission and climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, which has a matching aftermarket bed liner. Custom leather 6-way seats and "Bubba" floor mats. Trailering package with gold hitch and special wiring hook-ups. DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio receiver, 23-channel CB radio, six cup holders, a USB port, and four power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. It has custom running boards and indirect wheel well lighting. At this point the husband started choking up.

Sergeant: Don't worry buddy. We'll find your truck.
 
Subject: EINSTEI​
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Einstein developed this remarkable formula;


[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Energy = Mass x Speed of Light squared.

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A brilliant genius as we all know.

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Another lesser known of Einstein's formulas determined;

 If you were to strip naked and run around in a circle at the speed of 298 KM/sec (The speed of light) It could be possible for you to sodomize (screw) yourself.....!

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Should you determine you are not physically capable of achieving that speed at your age.

You can easily achieve the same result by voting Democratic in the Nov. 8 2016 election​





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My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker.
Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend…yet.

A buddy of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin.
I said "How can you tell them apart?”
He said, "Her brother's got a moustache.”

Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled.”
To which she replied, "No, it's normal-people porn, you sick bastard.”
 
Seems there's a move underway to ban Tylenol.

People are saying that having to pick the cotton stuffing out of each bottle reminds them of slavery.
 
Splinters in her crotch..... this is clean & funny

A woman from Los Angeles, who was a tree hugger, a liberal Democrat, and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland near Colville, WA. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her.

In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to a
local ER to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, a democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters.

The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her.
She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared..

The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?" He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a "recreational area" so close to a waste treatment facility. I'm sorry, but due to Obama-Care...they turned you down."
 
I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the "girls" a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I usually fall asleep.

Anyway, last night about midnight I hid in the shed behind the boat. When she came home she got out of someone's car buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment crouched behind the boat that I noticed a hairline crack in the gelcoat just under the rubrail.

Is that something I can just polish out or do I need to lay up new cloth, resin and gelcoat?"
 
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