Stress and boating

[OldDan1943]

Think boredom is always a possibility and the trip should be as engaging as the destination. As said by many there’s a difference between stress and anxiety. A certain amount of periods stress brings the best out of you. Makes you play your best game. At such time that boating becomes Ho hum I’ll probably leave the activity and move on to another experience that causes me to continuously learn and grow.

Although there’s joy in a placid tranquil transit there’s also merit in the more demanding ones. When sitting around with other cruisers bending elbows those are the ones that come up in conversation. Continue to contend stress is a good thing. Makes you grow. Anxiety is the counterproductive emotion. Important to not confuse the two.

There are many here who have experienced stressful situations and offered ways to mitigate impact and offered ways they’ve learned to avoid them. No one poster excels in this activity . Many here in their professional lives have routinely dealt with periodic stressful situations and have learned to not let stress be converted into anxiety. Many here in their boating lives have learned that skill as well. Folks here have gone round the world, been long term live aboards, crossed oceans, done the loop, rebuilt boats as they’ve traveled through areas with little or no outside support. So many opportunities for stress but little response with anxiety. The get her done attitude goes a long way to having fun messing around in boats. People come to that attitude in many different ways. None is better than another as long as you get there.

Ah yes the joy and excitement of doing wheelies in the ocean then launching yourself and the boat, launching out of orbit. Ah yes, the smile and happiness you have as the passengers are screaming in fear.

Let’s see you do that on a dry land parking lot and not hit anything.

 

[Hippocampus]

Due to the demands of the military DoD and its derivatives have funded a fair amount of research into decoupling stress from anxiety. Also the consequences of after stressful periods. Coupled with the research of neurobiologists and neuropsychologists significant positive interventions are now possible. Depending upon setting this may include desensitization, pharmacy, various forms of biofeedback, centering techniques and visualization techniques.

Training also decreases the odds of stress becoming anxiety. Regardless of how experienced crew (and myself) are before passage we train. Water ingress, MOB, fire, abandon ship ship. Similarly unless crew is experienced they are shadowed during their watches during heavy weather. As I made the transition from ocean sail to coastal power I made arrangements to be shadowed during the various evolutions (including docking) by skilled friends which avoided any anxiety as I learned those skills. Same with maintenance. I read about the activity then do the activity for the first time as I’m shadowed.

Although we commonly think of desensitization as a formal psychological technique end of day that’s what experience does. Deal with a fresh breeze, then a line squall, then a gale and finally a storm. Do it with more skilled and experienced crew how have been there done that. That helps prevent stress becoming anxiety. Now people want short cuts. That’s unfortunate.

My wife gets anxious boating. In a state of hyper alertness. Over the years she’s accepted I have some experience and a skill set. But the most important intervention has been her talking with those friends in her peer group engaged in the same type of boating as we do. Still at times she gets anxious. Much less as time goes on. She is asked to go through the sequence of actions she’s been taught in her mind. She’s asked to follow the rules. No extraneous talking. Do what is asked and question after, think of the times we’ve done it before successfully. Then anxiety dissipates. Never induce fear inadvertently while training. That’s so counterproductive. You need to be able to back off. You need to monitor the emotions of the person you’re trying to teach. Once they’re fearful little is learned other than coupling stress with anxiety during that activity.

Yes people with a significant psycho neurotic burden may need to work through their issues before fully enjoying cruising , flying, motorcycling but think there’s no magically skill you’re borne with that allows you and a select group to enjoy those activities. What’s required is to never demean or insult one less skilled than you, to admit and learn from your mistakes. To be supportive and celebrate the newbies accomplishments. Be humble and validate the situation maybe be stressful not boastful. In short be supportive not critical. Some here are very good teachers as they have that attitude. They either provide the necessary information and zero fluff to self aggrandize . Others add their experience in a self deprecating way to engage the learner. Both work. But outside military and similar organizations other styles not so much which is why I started this thread.

 

[O C Diver]

Think boredom is always a possibility and the trip should be as engaging as the destination. As said by many there’s a difference between stress and anxiety. A certain amount of periods stress brings the best out of you. Makes you play your best game. At such time that boating becomes Ho hum I’ll probably leave the activity and move on to another experience that causes me to continuously learn and grow.

Although there’s joy in a placid tranquil transit there’s also merit in the more demanding ones. When sitting around with other cruisers bending elbows those are the ones that come up in conversation. Continue to contend stress is a good thing. Makes you grow. Anxiety is the counterproductive emotion. Important to not confuse the two.

I read this thread and find you bored with boating, without the challenge of going out on a marginal day, the risky docking, and the periodic death defying challenge.

You mentioned your wife in this and other threads. I come away with the impression that she seeks the tranquil passages on pleasant days.

It seems to me that you impose your need for elevated levels of challenge (stress) on your wife. Atleast that's my takeaway from this and other theads you've written in.

Please correct me if I'm wrong.

Ted

 

[OldDan1943]

In the US Navy, it was train, train, train when it comes to ‘incidents’ at sea. Over the years on nuc subs, I experience 2 fires, that turn out not to be of any concern because they were quickly contained and one flooding that was quickly corrected. Daymned if I wasn’t in the compartments where it was happening….. LOL
While on a destroyer in Charleston, tired outboard outboard another destroyer, tied to the tender, I was the non commissioned, officer the deck.
“Fire, mount 51”. That being the forward gun. Grabbed the 1MC announced “this is not a drill” and then the casualty, duty damage control party ‘provide.’ Sent my messenger to the inboard ship, to inform them, took the phone off the hook for that was now MY phone to call for assistance if necessary. After it was all over….. I was stunned. My reactions came from somewhere. Must have some part of that ‘train train train’. LOL
So you see, if you train for a casualty enough times, your reactions will be natural and timely.
With enough training, you too can drink beer and not fall down.

 

[hollywood8118]

If it's stressful your doing it wrong


HOLLYWOOD

 

[GoneFarrell]

If it's stressful your doing it wrong


HOLLYWOOD

Yup

https://www.seattletimes.com/busine...-in-ballard-locks-a-fleet-of-lawyers-arrives/

 

[AlaskaProf]

Yup

https://www.seattletimes.com/busine...-in-ballard-locks-a-fleet-of-lawyers-arrives/

Ah, yes. The best free entertainment in town. I've spent many an hour with a takeout on the grassy terraces above the Chittenden Locks.

Intoxication, yelling, gesturing and incipient divorces all on display, Sunday afternoon inbound always the best, but this story takes it to a new level.

 

[hmason]

Taking the boat to be hauled and bottom painted on Tuesday. Our boat is 70' overall and the fairway to the lift is 78' wide and then a 90 degree turn into the lift. I've never been there before and yes, I'm sure I will have some level of stress.

I was successful entering the channel and Travelift. Despite my "overthinking" it for a few days in advance it went smooth as silk. Once I actually arrived at the yard I focused on driving the boat and left my stress behind. My boat handling confidence has now gone up a couple of notches.

 

[O C Diver]

I was successful entering the channel and Travelift. Despite my "overthinking" it for a few days in advance it went smooth as silk. Once I actually arrived at the yard I focused on driving the boat and left my stress behind. My boat handling confidence has now gone up a couple of notches.

Howard, there wasn't a doubt in my mind that you could do it, after all, you had the Magic.

Ted

 

[Art]

One thing about boat handling as compared to just about anything else... When ya do it right.... you get an ocean full of good feeling about yourself!

 

[psneeld]

I was successful entering the channel and Travelift. Despite my "overthinking" it for a few days in advance it went smooth as silk. Once I actually arrived at the yard I focused on driving the boat and left my stress behind. My boat handling confidence has now gone up a couple of notches.

Good job!

Overthinking things and not turning it into worry, just risk management ....has been my good luck charm.

After awhile...more and more become routine and overthinking isn't necessary.....just have to use the right amount of due diligence.

 

[Hippocampus]

Ted- I’m very married. Always want my wife below the cut off where stress becomes panic. In fact want it below the threshold where stress becomes unenjoyable. As others have said meeting a challenge and surmounting it is satisfying.

So I attend to how she’s feeling. In fact I do for any and all crew member. My wife has rode the tail of the dragon, done Sturgis and the Cabot trail on her own bike . She done a 2300 nm passage and multiple nasty ones, weathered line squalls, T storms, groundings, and the various failures that occur on a boat. She’s dealt with the frustrations of being stuck somewhere due to weather or supply chain difficulties. She’s an intrepid boater.

Think she’s still with me during our travels because I try hard to stay aware of how she’s feeling about things. Because I try to learn ways to make things more enjoyable for her. So I post with that in mind. I think you can move the line of where stress becomes panic as well as the line where stress changes from an enjoyable challenge to unpleasant. I think adding challenges incrementally helps, as does education and practice. So please don’t misinterpret my seeking ways to do this as anything but looking for ways to move those two lines.

Of interest she’s been in occurrences of extremely high stress and she’s never panicked. She’s a truly courageous woman and doesn’t shy from a challenge. Has more miles under her keel than many. Hopefully will want to add more. I’ll do what I can to further that goal.

 

[heysteve]

One of the things I appreciate most about boating is that it forces me out of my comfort zone. Sometimes in the moment you may question your life choices... but it passes. You do the best you can with what you got no matter the situation.

I also find it helpful to realize that EVERY other boater out there has gone through the good times and the bad with their boat. This common experience makes the boating tribe special and explains why so many people come to catch your lines when they see you struggling

 

[mvweebles]

Ted- I’m very married. Always want my wife below the cut off where stress becomes panic. In fact want it below the threshold where stress becomes unenjoyable. As others have said meeting a challenge and surmounting it is satisfying.

So I attend to how she’s feeling. In fact I do for any and all crew member. My wife has rode the tail of the dragon, done Sturgis and the Cabot trail on her own bike . She done a 2300 nm passage and multiple nasty ones, weathered line squalls, T storms, groundings, and the various failures that occur on a boat. She’s dealt with the frustrations of being stuck somewhere due to weather or supply chain difficulties. She’s an intrepid boater.

Think she’s still with me during our travels because I try hard to stay aware of how she’s feeling about things. Because I try to learn ways to make things more enjoyable for her. So I post with that in mind. I think you can move the line of where stress becomes panic as well as the line where stress changes from an enjoyable challenge to unpleasant. I think adding challenges incrementally helps, as does education and practice. So please don’t misinterpret my seeking ways to do this as anything but looking for ways to move those two lines.

Of interest she’s been in occurrences of extremely high stress and she’s never panicked. She’s a truly courageous woman and doesn’t shy from a challenge. Has more miles under her keel than many. Hopefully will want to add more. I’ll do what I can to further that goal.

This post, which I like a lot, ventures into an associated topic for me. My partner and I have been together for 27-years. We originally planned to "Head out the [Golden] Gate and turn left" 23-years ago. Life interveened with some great opportunities and we didn't go back then. Was a good decision for us. As we prepare to head out this year - a couple years late due to refit delays (thanks Mario.....and Covid). My wife is a bit concerned whether she can handle cruising at the ripe old age of '24' (her answer when age comes up - she was '22' when I met her 28-years ago).

My commitment to us both is we will cruise until it stops being fun. We will most likely join the Baja Ha Ha fleet for two reasons: first, I am in desparate need of a fixed-date for departure. Second, although we both understand the need for independence, there is a certain commraderie of being with people who are experiencing the same thoughts and trepidations as we re-establish our cruising legs. Beyond that, we have schedule; we don't even have an itinerary. Might go up the SoC. Might spend time in La Paz. Might go to Mazatlan for a while and fly home to return a few months later. Eventually, Weebles will make her way to Florida but how and when that happens is uncertain. Deck of a ship is always a possibility and there are many pickup points along the Pacific Coast of Central America.

For us, lowering the cruising expection is part of de-stressing (and will hopefully enhance the overall experience). Though my partner does not have near the experience as Hippocampus's wife does, she's no slouch either. She has more offshore and remote cruising miles than 80% of the boaters I know. We both love Mexico and are in constant search of the next-best Taco.

Apologies for the slight diversion from 'stress' to cruising relationshp, but for us, definitely related. We are really struggling to cut docklines. The first 10-feet of the cruise is proving very difficult.

Peter

 

[Simi 60]

The stress in boating for us is always when coming back in for maintenance, fuel or re prov.

Thankfully that's every 18 mths for the first
Fuel every 12mths and for the past six years a bunker boat comes to us
And probably 3 major shops a year for the re prov with most bought online and delivered to a boat ramp

This post, which I like a lot, ventures into an associated topic for me. My partner and I have been together for 27-years. We originally planned to "Head out the [Golden] Gate and turn left" 23-years ago. Life interveened with some great opportunities and we didn't go back then. Was a good decision for us. As we prepare to head out this year - a couple years late due to refit delays (thanks Mario.....and Covid). My wife is a bit concerned whether she can handle cruising at the ripe old age of '24' (her answer when age comes up - she was '22' when I met her 28-years ago).

Similar to us
We've both got the experience and miles but we are starting to second think our Far Northern Australia - South East Asian adventure.
Those 3 things are pretty easy here but as we head further north they'll get increasingly difficult and hellishly expensive until we actually get well into Indonesian waters (Jakarta)

Is it worth the grief?
Starting to think long term rentals of private pool villas in Indonesia with staff and 8ft f.off fences might be better for us.
Cheap flights to Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand, Malaysia, Japan etc for a month every now and then to break the monotony of mahi mahi and bintangs on the beach.

 

[Hippocampus]

Excellent posts. There’s two potential sources of stress. The external world and people (including yourself). They interact so you need to address both.
Example
Had a difficult passage from St.Lucia to Newport RI. One of initial crew bailed out due to illness. Took several days to find a substitute. That was a delivery captain who wanted to save flight costs and get to his next delivery (Newport-med). Also had my wife, a good sailor who had a trip to Italy booked 3 weeks out and me.
We missed an open window but Chris said we could still do it safely. After leaving 2 day out Chris said the front he expected to move east and clear was staying put. Winds out of the north (which makes the Gulf Stream a washing machine) and gusts to 50-60. He told us to divert to 100-200 nm north of the Bahamas and wait. He suggested going slow ((<6kts) as as soon as the system cleared we could head for the Gulf Stream. Every time I went to sleep crew sailed the boat to its capabilities in spite of being told the plan. Finally took major offender (delivery captain) off watch until he promised to follow plan. Got to area Chris designated and went around in circles. So humid it rained inside the boat. Not knowing the future didn’t want to run AC to conserve fuel. Crew got real pissy. Spent my days calming them down. Wife told me we needed to think about switching to our “storm foods”. Those are staples not requiring refrigeration. Switched to half and half as dinner was the only thing to look forward to.
Finally front cleared somewhat and winds shifted to westerlies. Flew up the Gulf Stream but it still took a few days over two weeks. We were down to a box of spaghetti, 1/4 jar of peanut butter, flour, rice and water. Crew made his trip to Italy. Captain got on his charter. I went home and slept like a log. The external factors were trivial. Was confident in my boat, the skill set of my crew, my weather router and my own reading of the weather so therefore the plan. The stress was the people not the external factors. Come to think it’s the people not external factors that the hardest factor.

 

[FWT]

“Life is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent how you respond to it.”
-- Lou Holtz

 

[AlaskaProf]

“Life is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent how you respond to it.”
-- Lou Holtz

"Life is what happens while you are making other plans."
--John Lennon

 

[Hippocampus]

90% of life is just showing up.


Think it was woody allen (unfortunately)

 

[Art]

It's not the cards you're dealt... it's how you play your hand. My wife! God Luv Her!!

 

[FWT]

"Every man's got to know his limitations." Dirty Harry

 

[RickyD]

I love boats and boating. It satisfies my need for adventure as well as my need to tinker and fix things. There are many facets for operating and maintaining a trawler and some of those facets give me no stress at all, even pleasure, and others can be quite stressful. Obviously docking is the thing I find most stressful since there are many variables outside of our control. But one thing that I discover...over and over..is that as experience and frequency of those experiences increases that stress quickly diminishes. In other words...go do it..and go do it alot. After many repetitions many things become so smooth that you wonder why you where ever stressed.

I am about to be stressed this Wednesday. After buying a boat that needed refurb weeks before covid, then slowing down progress drastically for covid, then going right into taking care of our mother in law with dementia for a year in which hardly any progress was made, we are planning the shakedown cruise this Wednesday. Boat has a bunch of new wiring, repairs, fuel system, tank work etc and I am rusty in the operation of nearly any boat for a few years. Boat US card will be front and center..lol. stress time!

Fear not. Boating is like like golf. After a long layoff, the basics and long game are muscle memory. Its the short game that suffers a little more. The touch around the green/dock I think suffers a bit more but dock one time and you are back in the game unlike golf.

 

[RickyD]

Taking the boat to be hauled and bottom painted on Tuesday. Our boat is 70' overall and the fairway to the lift is 78' wide and then a 90 degree turn into the lift. I've never been there before and yes, I'm sure I will have some level of stress.

Perhaps you could do a Google Earth view to pick up angles, ask the yard about current, and check the tides for slack time.

 

[RickyD]

Yep. Newbie docking a Uniflit 42 ACMY in a 25kt cross breeze (So San Francisco) is definitely on the right side of the panic line. It really sucked. It's why I went into teaching boat handling.

Peter

Wow, Peter, that was my father's last boat. He loved it. As I remember it was named RomanceII as Romance I was his Stephens 42. He had it in SF Bay. Any chance that one had the same name??

 

[RickyD]

You guys know I like to share. I get anxious before a multiple day trip as I want everything to be good. I used to call this stress until I read some of these posts.

First Stress. 20 years ago, lost the engine on my 32' sailboat 63 nm from home port. Usually in the area it blows 10 - 25, not this day. 3 knots skimming the freighter lanes was nerve wracking. We got in safe at midnight and just dropped the hook in the harbor, had no energy to dock.

Second stress: Bought my first power boat, 47' trawler, and had to drive it for the first time from the sales dock to my new slip. The slip was double loaded with the 46' sailboat next to me with a Portland Pudgy sticking out the back. On the dock side a houseboat with an anchor sticking out into the fairway. 10 knot breeze at 1 o'clock to the slip blowing me into the sailboat. Butterflies had full control of my stomach. My broker on the dock yelling instructions that didn't sound right. Felt it on my own and brought her in perfectly.

Third stress: Bought my 55. Bringing it in to my new down wind slip in a 16 - 18 knot wind at my 5 o'clock. Two guys on the dock for me, wife on board.
No bow thruster. As I brought her in I found the port engine would not engage in correct time. Put it in forward, wait 3 seconds, it goes in gear. Scream bloody hell, put it in reverse, wait four seconds for engagement, AAAHHHHHH. Get out of there, all most hit this boat, almost hit that boat, AAAAAHHHHHHH. Start again, AAAHHHHH, yelling to my dock hands "I can't get the port engine in gear" AAAHHHH almost hit this boat almost that one, try again. Got her nose in the slip, stb forward, jammed her in with a small scratch I can't even find today. That is it. I'm getting a bow thruster. A small adjustment to the gear linkage and never a problem again.

 

[Hippocampus]

Thing is now you can laugh about it. Don’t mind people laughing with me . Used to hate people laughing at me. Now realize they never had the experiences I’ve had so they’re so much the poorer for it. Now it’s water off a ducks back.
At my town dock one of the favorite past times is to sit on the benches around the town pier and ramp. Any day there’s bound to be a disaster or three. Never understood this behavior. I might stand on the pier to help out but would never laugh at or ridicule someone having a bad time of it. Same when sitting in the cockpit. Try to always get out and standby silently at the slip of someone coming in. Offer to catch a line and ask if I can follow the skipper’s directions. I might do it differently but know if I start talking beyond that he/she might get flustered and I’m not the captain. As boaters think we should encourage each other and help lower each other’s anxiety.

 

[Hippocampus]

If swapping tales. Most stressful docking I had was coming into rockport Maine in my Tayana sailboat. It had a thick piece of rubber between the shaft out of the transmission and the rest of the shaft. Bolts went into it from either side. Guess the idea was to save the transmission if something locked up the prop suddenly . In any case it failed coming into port. First issue was to convince crew to bring the sails back up. They couldn’t believe we had no propulsion as they heard the engine running perfectly. Second issue was to get into a slip.

Fortunately wind would be directly into our bow in the slip. Came in under sail on a reach. Turned 90 degrees into the slip and came to a stop. Was a captain Ron moment. But afterwards I was shaking. During it was a cucumber. They say “any idiot can make a boat go. It takes a sailor to stop it. .

 

[RickyD]

Thing is now you can laugh about it. Don’t mind people laughing with me . Used to hate people laughing at me. Now realize they never had the experiences I’ve had so they’re so much the poorer for it. Now it’s water off a ducks back.
At my town dock one of the favorite past times is to sit on the benches around the town pier and ramp. Any day there’s bound to be a disaster or three. Never understood this behavior. I might stand on the pier to help out but would never laugh at or ridicule someone having a bad time of it. Same when sitting in the cockpit. Try to always get out and standby silently at the slip of someone coming in. Offer to catch a line and ask if I can follow the skipper’s directions. I might do it differently but know if I start talking beyond that he/she might get flustered and I’m not the captain. As boaters think we should encourage each other and help lower each other’s anxiety.

Many times I have been able to help people in need. Since I cruise around almost daily in my dinghy I'm regularly rescuing boaters whose engines quit or whose captains don't have a clue. You see, we have a boat rental company nearby and many have never driven a boat before. Next thing you know they are on the rocks. My 55 is on an end tie but whenever I come in, others nearby will come and grab a line and I do the same for them. Common curtesy.

 

[rslifkin]

But afterwards I was shaking. During it was a cucumber. They say “any idiot can make a boat go. It takes a sailor to stop it. .

Gotta love those moments where your skills and instincts just take over and afterward you're sitting there wondering "how the **** did I just do that?"

 

[Barking Sands]

Fear not. Boating is like like golf. After a long layoff, the basics and long game are muscle memory. Its the short game that suffers a little more. The touch around the green/dock I think suffers a bit more but dock one time and you are back in the game unlike golf.

Definitely!!

We got to the slip and the weather was not great since there is a weather depression in the gulf. Wind was 10-15 with occasional higher gusts of 20. I debated in delaying but the rest of the week was the same. I decided to just go since this was my home area. The testing was successful. The boat performed great. Only issue was upper helm tach erratic at higher rpm and during WOT testing there was rubber smell from engine room. Presumably alternator belt driving my new higher output Balmar was slipping (not related since tach is driven by hall effect). Came back in in a downpour, backed in and tied up during a lull in the wind without a hitch. I did make use of the aft thruster since I wanted to expedite due to conditions but I am good with that. It was about a 3 hour shakedown. Cant wait to get underway again for purely recreational reasons next time!

Recounting the more noteworthy stresses of your past is interesting. It sort of forms a baseline for future reference. Many of these high stressors tend to happen when we are younger and more prone to risk taking. I know that is true for me and most of these experiences come from the years flying in the Marine CH-46E in my Avatar. Not much that happens on the Trawler leads me to think I might not make it today :lol: That's how I move forward much of the time. Usually the biggest worry is a bruised ego.