Humor

[RT Firefly]

Greetings,


An ancient Greek walks into his tailor's shop with a pair of torn pants.


"Euripides?" says the tailor.


"Yeah. Eumenides?" replies the man.

 

[SteveK]

 

[FF]

[FONT=&quot]Gonna ask my mom if that offer to slap me into next year is still on the table.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]Â [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]— All these people are worrying about a baby boom in the next nine months. Two days of homeschooling should nip that right in the bud! [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Â [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]— If you thought toilet paper buying was crazy, just wait until 300 million people all want a haircut appointment at the same time.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Â [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]— The Department of Health is looking to hire couples married seven years or more to educate people on social distancing. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Â [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]— Quarantine Day 37. I’ve started taking calls from telemarketers.
Some of them are actually quite nice. Jamar from Superior Life Insurance has a new baby. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Â [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]— So we don’t go to restaurants, kids aren’t signed up for anything, and we just stayed home for Spring Break? Sounds like my childhood! [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Â [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]— My wife and I play this fun game during quarantine. It’s called, “Why Are You Doing It That Way?” There are no winners.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Â [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]— When we come out of this and I ask you where you want to eat,
I do NOT want to hear, “I don’t know.” YOU HAD 45 DAYS! [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Â [/FONT]
— It’s been a blessing being home with the wife for 7 weeks now. We’ve caught up on everything I’ve done wrong for 15 years.

[FONT=&quot]Â [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]— I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I’m getting tired of Los Livingroom. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Â [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]— If your parents are over 60 and want to go out... FORBID THEM! If they complain and say,
“But everyone else is doing it,” tell them, “You’re not everyone.” IT’S PAYBACK TIME! [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Â [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]— Please stay at home! If you die, your wife will sell your Harley at the price you told her you paid for it! [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Â [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]— If you believe that the Oilers will be playing hockey in two weeks, raise your right hand. Now slap yourself with it. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Â [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]— Due to my isolation, I finished three books yesterday. And believe me, that’s a lot of colouring! [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Â [/FONT]
— Anyone else getting a tan from the light in your refrigerator?
[FONT=&quot]Â
[/FONT]

 

[RT Firefly]

Greetings,
I had to chuckle...

 

[menzies]

 

[SteveK]

 

[menzies]

 

[menzies]

 

[boathealer]

..

 

[Art]

Boy - sure hope the pillagers and burn-down-building artists don't blow up the IRS building.

 

[JustBob]

When boaters get takeout.

 

[RT Firefly]

 

[HopCar]

They actually come in the same box.

 

[RT Firefly]

 

[SteveK]

Elderly Quarantine

An elderly couple was at home watching TV.

Phil had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.

Sally became more and more annoyed and finally said:
"For god's sake Phil, Leave it on the porn channel.

You know how to fish!"

 

[boathealer]

...

 

[menzies]

...

What's humorous about that!

 

[BruceK]

 

[Art]

And... What's humorous about that? LOL

 

[BruceK]

London pigeons are staging a "**** in" protest squawk. Deprived of statues to crap on because protesters already dumped on them, they are in a flap. "Watch out buddy" said one cockily to a protester,"you`ve got statuesque broad shoulders, and I`m full".

 

[Art]

God told man..."You will be able to find women is every corner of the world!"

Then he made the Earth round - and - laughed and laughed and laughed!!!

 

[Art]

Due too recent budget cuts...

The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned OFF!

 

[infinite_loop]

Please delete

 

[Art]

Ford Trucks are for youngsters... when they say to their deep pocket fathers.


Fix Or Repair Daddy!

 

[O C Diver]

Ford Trucks are for youngsters... when they say to their deep pocket fathers.


Fix Or Repair Daddy!

Buy a Ford; they're the best.
Drive a mile; walk the rest.

Ted

 

[Toki]

Come on people, quit knocking Ford! Did you know that 80% of the Fords ever made are still on the road today?





... the other 20% actually made it home from the dealership.

 

[caltexflanc]

Perhaps this has been posted, but nonetheless:

 

[caltexflanc]

 

[BandB]

Wifey B: Inquiring minds wanted to know so here's the most likely explanation. It is built on religious principles as in the bans on alcohol, profanity, smoking and nudity. So, why no penguins. Penguins is a slang term for saggy pants. Those would not meet the requirements there either. I wish it had been some attack my a group of Penguins who came in and ate all the food, but nothing that cool. Just slang in that area of New Orleans.

 

[RT Firefly]

Greetings,
No Penguins?