I love story problems!
Humor
- Thread starter Keith
- Start date
The friendliest place on the web for anyone who enjoys boating.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
RT Firefly
Enigma
Greetings,
Mr. KY: "As I was going to St. Ives..."
Mr. KY: "As I was going to St. Ives..."
HopCar
Guru
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2011
- Messages
- 5,353
- Vessel Name
- Possum
- Vessel Make
- Ellis 28
Rufus T Firefly, the answer is none.
RT Firefly
Enigma
01001110 01100101 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101000 01100101 01100001 01110010 01100100 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110011 01100101 01100011 01101111 01101110 01100100 00100000 01101111 01101110 01100101 00100000 01100101 01101001 01110100 01101000 01100101 01110010 00101110 00100000 01001101 01011001 00100000 01100001 01101110 01110011 01110111 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101111 01101110 01100101 00101110
https://www.convertbinary.com/to-text/
https://www.convertbinary.com/to-text/
1/2 one x 2 = 1
Al
Guru
- Joined
- Apr 1, 2012
- Messages
- 2,206
- Location
- usa
- Vessel Name
- 'SLO'~BELLE
- Vessel Make
- 1978 Marben-27' Flybridge Trawler(extended to 30 feet) Pilothouse Pocket Cruiser[
Three sisters age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts her foot in and pauses. She yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses, then she yells, "Was I going up the stairs or coming down?" The 92 year old was sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful." She knocks on wood for good measure. She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
SteveK
Guru
- Joined
- Jul 5, 2019
- Messages
- 5,822
- Location
- Gulf Islands, BC Canada
- Vessel Name
- Sea Sanctuary
- Vessel Make
- Bayliner 4588
"I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
Well??? are you going to leave us hanging, who was at the door?
Well??? are you going to leave us hanging, who was at the door?
HopCar
Guru
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2011
- Messages
- 5,353
- Vessel Name
- Possum
- Vessel Make
- Ellis 28
As I recall the question was “how many kits (kittens), cats, sacks and wives were going to St. Ives”. We’re never told that any of the wives or anything they were carrying were going to St. Ives. The answer is zero.
RT Firefly
Enigma
Greetings,
Mr. HC. As I was going to St. Ives...You're answer is correct IF you're a zero. Tsk, tsk.
Mr. HC. As I was going to St. Ives...You're answer is correct IF you're a zero. Tsk, tsk.
markbarendt
Senior Member
https://youtu.be/iN5Dm_HSSQw
A sea shanty
A sea shanty
Last edited:
HopCar
Guru
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2011
- Messages
- 5,353
- Vessel Name
- Possum
- Vessel Make
- Ellis 28
Mark that’s great!
I was once at the Scottish Games in North Carolina with my first wife. We were watching them toss the caber. This is basically guys wearing kilts trying to throw a telephone pole.
One fellow gave it a mighty heave and his kilt dropped to his ankles. Much to the disappointment of my wife, he was wearing cut off jeans underneath.
Al
Guru
- Joined
- Apr 1, 2012
- Messages
- 2,206
- Location
- usa
- Vessel Name
- 'SLO'~BELLE
- Vessel Make
- 1978 Marben-27' Flybridge Trawler(extended to 30 feet) Pilothouse Pocket Cruiser[
"Chicks" as well, can hear the 'hens' on board squawking as I type
The following could well depict a boat situation too.
Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!
Officer: Age?
Husband: I'm not sure. Somewhere between 50 and 60. We don't do birthdays.
Officer: Height?
Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tal
OFFICER : Weight?
Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.
OFFICER : Color of eyes?
Husband: Sort of brown.
OFFICER : Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can't remember.
OFFICER : What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.
OFFICER : What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my truck.
OFFICER : What kind of truck was it?
Husband : A 2017, manufactured September 16th, pearl white Ram Limited 4X4 .with 6.4l Hemi V8 engine ordered with the Ram Box bar and fridge option, led lighting,
back up and front camera,
Moose hide leather heated and cooled seats, climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, Weather Tech floor mats. Trailing package
with gold hitch, sunroof, DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio, Cobra 75 WX ST 40-channel CB radio, six cup holders, 3 USB ports, and 4 power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Toyo tires. It has custom retracting running boards and
under-glow wheel well lighting. At this point the husband started choking up.
OFFICER : Take it easy sir, We'll find your truck.
Hey Al
I always imply the aspect of heartfelt appreciation through nice titles such as chicks, gals, girls for women of whom I know not the name thereof. Other nice titles also can be applied as loving handles for females.
Now, your word... "hens"... is another story! Sirens may begin to sound!!
Of course, in times of passion... there are a bunch of female and male titles that can be used to keep rising the thermometer!! And, "Hen" might be able to slip in there somewhere -
I always imply the aspect of heartfelt appreciation through nice titles such as chicks, gals, girls for women of whom I know not the name thereof. Other nice titles also can be applied as loving handles for females.
Now, your word... "hens"... is another story! Sirens may begin to sound!!
Of course, in times of passion... there are a bunch of female and male titles that can be used to keep rising the thermometer!! And, "Hen" might be able to slip in there somewhere -
tpbrady
Guru
A friend of mine showed me mathematical proof of why managers made more money than engineers. Here is the short version.
If time(t) equals money(m) and knowledge(k) equals power(p) then we have the following equations:
t=m
k=p
Work(w) equals power applied over time or w=p*t
If we substitute p with k and t with m as they are equivalent, we get this equation:
w=k*m
Solving the equation for m we get the following:
m=w/k
As k or knowledge approaches 0, m or money approaches infinity. Hence intellectually challenged managers make more money than engineers.
If time(t) equals money(m) and knowledge(k) equals power(p) then we have the following equations:
t=m
k=p
Work(w) equals power applied over time or w=p*t
If we substitute p with k and t with m as they are equivalent, we get this equation:
w=k*m
Solving the equation for m we get the following:
m=w/k
As k or knowledge approaches 0, m or money approaches infinity. Hence intellectually challenged managers make more money than engineers.
Your wife didn't want to go out on the boat for the holiday week. She shut off the fuel line.
We all must be careful what we ask for... without consulting those it may affect!!
Andy G
Hospitality Officer
- Joined
- Sep 20, 2010
- Messages
- 1,898
- Location
- Australia
- Vessel Name
- Sarawana
- Vessel Make
- IG 36 Quad Cabin
This is one of those rare animals, a truly funny TV advertisement.
For our friends across the water a heads up. The Ad is for Australian lamb, they usually do a few ads at this time of year, just before the Australia day holiday, & they are always a bit quirky.
The bloke at the very end of the AD leaving the plane is our prime minister, who infamously went on holiday to Hawaii during Australia's worst bush fires in our history in 2019/20. It is widely accepted that it was only his subsequent deft handling of the Covid crisis that saved his job.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy it.
For our friends across the water a heads up. The Ad is for Australian lamb, they usually do a few ads at this time of year, just before the Australia day holiday, & they are always a bit quirky.
The bloke at the very end of the AD leaving the plane is our prime minister, who infamously went on holiday to Hawaii during Australia's worst bush fires in our history in 2019/20. It is widely accepted that it was only his subsequent deft handling of the Covid crisis that saved his job.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy it.
Last edited:
Al
Guru
- Joined
- Apr 1, 2012
- Messages
- 2,206
- Location
- usa
- Vessel Name
- 'SLO'~BELLE
- Vessel Make
- 1978 Marben-27' Flybridge Trawler(extended to 30 feet) Pilothouse Pocket Cruiser[
A doctor in St John's Newfoundland wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his janitor.
"I am going hunting tomorrow Buddy and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients and I'll give you fifty bucks."
"Yes, sir!" answers Buddy.
The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: "So, Buddy, how was your day?"
Buddy told him that he took care of three patients.
"The first one had a headache so I gave him TYLENOL."
"Bravo Buddy! The second one?" asks the doctor.
"The second one had a bad stomach and I gave him MAALOX, sir." says Buddy.
"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this. And what about the third one?" asks the Doctor.
"Well Sir, I was sitting here having a smoke and suddenly the door flies opens and a woman enters. Like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table and shouts: HELP ME! I haven't seen a man in over two years."
"Lard Tunderin' Jayzus, Buddy! What did you do?"
"I put drops in her eyes!"
"I am going hunting tomorrow Buddy and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients and I'll give you fifty bucks."
"Yes, sir!" answers Buddy.
The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: "So, Buddy, how was your day?"
Buddy told him that he took care of three patients.
"The first one had a headache so I gave him TYLENOL."
"Bravo Buddy! The second one?" asks the doctor.
"The second one had a bad stomach and I gave him MAALOX, sir." says Buddy.
"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this. And what about the third one?" asks the Doctor.
"Well Sir, I was sitting here having a smoke and suddenly the door flies opens and a woman enters. Like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table and shouts: HELP ME! I haven't seen a man in over two years."
"Lard Tunderin' Jayzus, Buddy! What did you do?"
"I put drops in her eyes!"
AlaskaProf
Guru
- Joined
- Jun 26, 2016
- Messages
- 2,293
- Location
- US of A
- Vessel Name
- boatless, ex: Seeadler
- Vessel Make
- RAWSON 41
Ah! The inevitable Newfie joke has been dealt.
AlaskaProf
Guru
- Joined
- Jun 26, 2016
- Messages
- 2,293
- Location
- US of A
- Vessel Name
- boatless, ex: Seeadler
- Vessel Make
- RAWSON 41
Al
Guru
- Joined
- Apr 1, 2012
- Messages
- 2,206
- Location
- usa
- Vessel Name
- 'SLO'~BELLE
- Vessel Make
- 1978 Marben-27' Flybridge Trawler(extended to 30 feet) Pilothouse Pocket Cruiser[
The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf.
So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish.
Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!
At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"
The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not." Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE! St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?"
The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?
So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish.
Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!
At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"
The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not." Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE! St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?"
The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?
Al
Guru
- Joined
- Apr 1, 2012
- Messages
- 2,206
- Location
- usa
- Vessel Name
- 'SLO'~BELLE
- Vessel Make
- 1978 Marben-27' Flybridge Trawler(extended to 30 feet) Pilothouse Pocket Cruiser[
PEEING ON MY FLOWERS
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in awhile a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me, Officer."
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. " Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?' So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20 or off it comes!'
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing ."OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Not everybody pays."
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in awhile a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me, Officer."
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. " Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?' So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20 or off it comes!'
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing ."OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Not everybody pays."
