Long, Painfull Decline Over

[Sortie]

My wife has been fighting Alzheimer's for almost 7 years. The last three have been brutal. Our Prairie 29 has not left her slip in over a year. The last 6 months have seemed like a living hell. She has riddled with pain from the Parkinson's affliction resulting in pain medicine that further dulls the senses. Last Monday 8/10/15 five days before 50th wedding anniversary she passed peacefully into a far better place.

Sub consciously I have been praying for the pain and suffering to end, thinking I was ready to deal with. No way. The reality knocked me off my feet and left a lump of tears and denial hovering like a glop of slurp. Now I am in a state of semi recovery trying to determine the next steps. Soon, I am heading to spend some quality time on the Sue Marie, named for my wife. Its time to bring her back to life and see if I can move on. It is going to strange and a huge challenge without love, but I am going to give it all I have, because she wanted me to. I am a very lucky man, we never fell out of love, we never disliked our In-Laws, resulting in fifty(almost) wonderful years.

I will let you know how this single handed stuff works, once I get the hang of it myself.

Thanks for letting me rant a little.

John

 

[Pluto]

Thanks for sharing. Don't know you, but admire your attitude and courage.

 

[Blissboat]

Peace to Sue Marie, and to you too, John.

 

[Giggitoni]

That is sad news, John. I don't know how I would deal with your loss. Sounds like you're headed on the right path by starting this thread. Keep posting, I'm sure you'll receive some love from us strangers who appreciate your honesty and reach for life's answers.

My condolences.

 

[Pack Mule]

John, sorry for your loss my thoughts are with you . Peace to you .

 

[hmason]

You won't be alone onboard; she will be in your heart. All the best wishes for your speedy return to a happy life and all my sympathies to you. Howard

 

[MurrayM]

Thanks for letting us know, John. Reaching out on an online forum can be very helpful, as I found out while quiting drinking...there's something cathartic about it even though distances are great and many are strangers.

Hopefully your transition through this time will be as smooth as possible. Also hope you find peace on your boat, and that in some way you feel it is still a shared experience with your wife.

Take care,

Murray

 

[CPseudonym]

Feel free to reach out anytime John either on the board or via PM. It saddened me a year or so ago when you shared a bit of what you've been going through. My prayer is that your heart finds peace in the middle of this roller coaster.

 

[O C Diver]

John, very sorry for your loss. You will never forget. Focus on the good memories. The pain and the roller coaster will pass. Concentrate on your boat. Idle time is the worst time when you're trying to move ahead.

Ted

 

[markpierce]

My almost-97-year-old father has outlived a son, two wives, and last night, a long-term companion. Fortunately, she was in good spirits last night, enjoying dinner and an evening movie, but left us in the middle of the night. Fortunately, the multi-generation Pierces and companions gathered to enjoy the play "Mary Poppins" and a restaurant meal last month.

It will be hard, but there can be joy and hope ahead if you want.

 

[Old deckhand]

John, may peace enter your life and comfort you.

 

[cardude01]

John,

My sincerest condolences. I agree with others that reaching out here on TF could be cathartic. If there is anything I can do please let me know.

Bill

 

[healhustler]

Only last year, our esteemed member, Skipperdude, also lost his 1st mate. It was really good to see Skip come back and share with us again recently. It's great to have you share your sadness here now….you've been through so much. There's a bunch of us here on the Gulf Coast and it's time we get together to talk about whatever is important to us, heck, even boating. Anyway, just keep doing it the way you are. Single handling the boat may become a whole new adventure……different, yes, but how bad could it be for you to be cruising up the ICW, standing outside the pilothouse, coffee in hand, wind in your face. It's healing and you've got to do a lot of that now. Stay in touch.

 

[BruceK]

Please accept my kind thoughts for you in this sadness. In my experience, no matter how much you expect the loss of a loved one, you are never prepared when it happens. Your first cruise alone will be hard, but it may also a great comfort, as you adjust to your changed life.

 

[Insequent]

John, I extend my condolences and best wishes along with others above.

I lost my wife to cancer some years ago, and it does take a while to get to a new normal. Its rough on the whole family during the decline, but the stress levels do go down fairly quickly thank goodness. Do stuff, and particularly get some water moving under Sue Marie's keel as often as you can. Delay any big decisions that don't need to be made straightaway - in a few months time you might have different perspectives. And do catch up with the Gulf Coast TF folks, even if just for a quick coffee or sundowner. Even from this distance I can tell that there are some top people right close by to you.

Singlehanding is pretty easy really, and very satisfying. Just a bit more planning.

 

[HeadMistress]

I lost my husband to a 3 year losing battle with multiple myeloma and my mother to a 7 year descent into the hell that is Alzheimers. There came a time with both of them when I prayed for their suffering to be over. But no matter how ready you think you are, no matter how much you want that day to come, when it does you aren't ready at all. So I think I know what you must be going through, and my prayers are with you.

 

[Capt.Bill11]

Good luck and best wishes on your new journey. As others have said, you will never be alone on that boat.

 

[GFC]

John, I can't begin to feel what you're feeling but let me suggest that you take both Sue Marie's out and spend some quiet time with just your thoughts. All three of you will appreciate the time aboard.

 

[rochepoint]

Our condolences, remember the good times together.....forget the bad. Agree with GFC's post take time on the boat and appreciate some quiet time.

 

[bligh]

There is a gentleman at our marina who has a mainship 34. His wife has Alzheimer as well. He has a caregiver that comes every other Saturday or so for 4 hours that allow him to putter around on his boat for a few hours. The boat hasn't left the slip that I know of, but he is there, getting his little bit of time in and I can tell he enjoys his precious few hours. I always make sure to go say hello to him when I see him aboard.

 

[Bay Pelican]

My condolences. You prayed for her suffering to end and it has. Yours will continue but she (after 49 years) would want you to continue to live treasuring her memory.

 

[siestakey]

John

I am so sorry for your loss, yet feel very honored you would share with us. I can not say I know what your going through, I pray for grace and comfort for you.

 

[Rogerh]

John so sorry for your loss. May you find peace in all of what you do. For me no better peace than on the water. God Bless.

 

[RT Firefly]

Greetings,
Words escape me but her spirit remains with you. Your lives together made you who you are. As mentioned, cherish the good times. Peace.

 

[HiDHo]

John I pass this on to you.
Ascension
And if I go, while you're still here... know that I live on, vibrating to a different measure behind a thin veil you cannot see through. You will not see me, so you must have faith. I wait for the time when we can soar together again, both aware of each other. Until then live your life to the fullest. And when you need me. Just whisper my name in your heart, I will be there.
This from Collen Corah Hitchcock which always gives me comfort in times like this. God speed.
Bill

 

[Moonstruck]

John, so sorry for your loss. No, we are never ready for something like that. There is just something missing no matter the circumstances when someone passes. Their presence is no longer sensed. It just leaves a hole in your life. The best advice I can give you is the advice my late wife gave me. Near the end she said, "You have done your job here. When I die get on with your life." She was practical to the end. So, take some time for reflection. You will know when it is time to move on.

BTW, feel free to drop by Moonstruck anytime I am on board. I would be happy to see you again. I also make some pretty good coffee. Moved to new floating dock slip.

Best to you, my friend.

 

[ulysses]

John: I am sorry for your loss. I purchased my boat about 10 years ago in order to have some quality time on the water with my children. Which I did. My daughter would never pass up a trip even though she would get sea sick walking down the dock. They were wonderful times. She passed in an auto accident three years ago.
Now people wonder why I single hand long trips. I don't she is with me.
You will never "get over it" but hopefully you will learn to cope.
My prayers are with you.
dan

 

[dannc]

One of our neighbors cared for his wife who suffered from dementia. It was horrible on her and worse on him. He would sometimes escape from his burden to spend a bit of time with me but he could never visit for long. I watched him age well beyond his years as time went on carrying for his wife. Eventually she died and he slowly regained his mental and physical health. Honestly, I don't know how much longer he could have continued carrying for her like he did. He was just exhausted emotionally and physically.

As time passed, he bounced back from what he had endured for years. Eventually, he felt well enough to do do some things he had not done in decades, he started to date again and he remarried. His new wife had been a long time care giver to her husband who suffered through a long illness.

Take some time to recover from what you have been through. Go do some things for you.

Later,
Dan

 

[ktdtx]

So sorry.

It just takes time.

 

[Tidahapah]

John
My condolences for your loss.
I like that you are going to take the boat out and get some water flowing under the keel.
you will hear her sing to you.
All the best for the future.
Cheers
Benn